Member-only story
Tired of Feeling Guilt and Shame When Asking for What You Want?
That was me too!
- Bending over backwards for others,
- Being taken advantage of
- Feeling dismissed
- Disrespected by others
That used to be my life. I was the kind of person who’d go out of my way to help other people.
I’d drop what I was doing to help someone out. Eventually, they’d start taking advantage of me, and I’d end up feeling resentful. But I’d never say anything because I didn’t want them to be mad at me, or dislike me, or think I was unhelpful. I really cared what they thought of me.
Yet I was dissatisfied with my relationships. I was often physically exhausted and I had a sense of urgency almost all the time. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. Something had to f-ing change!
This is where developing healthy boundaries came in.
It took time to develop them, and some experimentation since this was new behavior for me. In the process of learning to set boundaries, I started to understand that much of “bending over backwards” for people was because I wanted them to like me (or at least think good things about me)! I didn’t even realize that was going on.
