Tired of Feeling Guilt and Shame When Asking for What You Want?
- Bending over backwards for others,
- Being taken advantage of
- Feeling dismissed
- Disrespected by others
That used to be my life. I was the kind of person who’d go out of my way to help other people.
I’d drop what I was doing to help someone out. Eventually, they’d start taking advantage of me, and I’d end up feeling resentful. But I’d never say anything because I didn’t want them to be mad at me, or dislike me, or think I was unhelpful. I really cared what they thought of me.
Yet I was dissatisfied with my relationships. I was often physically exhausted and I had a sense of urgency almost all the time. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. Something had to f-ing change!
This is where developing healthy boundaries came in.
It took time to develop them, and some experimentation since this was new behavior for me. In the process of learning to set boundaries, I started to understand that much of “bending over backwards” for people was because I wanted them to like me (or at least think good things about me)! I didn’t even realize that was going on.
That meant I had to learn to care more what I think of me than what others think of me. This doesn’t mean my clients and I don’t care at all what others think of us, of course we do! We still help people, but now it comes from a place of abundance rather than a place of lack.
And we do it on our own terms, not theirs.
Boundaries have helped me to develop my own integrity because I live by my values, not by what other people value.
Want to develop healthy boundaries so you can be comfortable in your own skin, satisfied with your life and be respected by others?
I’m giving away a free 30-minute Better Boundaries Strategy Call to the next 10 people who respond! Click here to schedule.
Barb Nangle is the Founder of Higher Power Coaching and Consulting. She works with people who are tired of drama but don’t know how to stop. Her newsletter, “Happy, Joyous and Free” shares examples of how to change deeply entrenched patterns of dysfunctional behavior. Sign up here. She’s also the creator of the podcast, “Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery.”