How To Start Asking for Help When You’ve Never Done It
I somehow grew up with the notion that asking for help was not okay. In fact, I was the giver of help, not the receiver. It felt like a duty. When I got into 12 step recovery, one of the most important lessons I learned was to reach out for help from others. The process of learning how to do this, and why it wasn’t an option before, was very enlightening. I hope that reading this will enable you to start asking for help, or asking for help more often.
Reaching out for help is not that easy.
One might think that learning to ask for help is as simple as deciding to do it, then doing it. But if you were socialized to not ask for help, it’s not that simple. I was someone who helped others. In fact, you might say I “rescued” others (though I did plenty of just plain “helping” too!). Some of this stemmed from the patterns of codependency I developed in my family of origin.
For me, the process went something like this: First I had to believe that it was okay to ask for help. In fact, it’s quite beneficial. Then I had to learn how to ask for help and from who. Then I had to practice. Practice, practice, practice. As I continued to practice and got positive reinforcement for doing so, it became a habit.
Types of help.
