How to Increase Intimacy in Your Relationships — Stop Making Assumptions!

Photo Credit: Toa Heftiba

Many of us decide what things mean without all the information. Then we use unconscious filters to fill in the gaps to decide what they mean. That is, we make assumptions about what things mean. For example:

· it’s about me, not about them
· it means something negative, not something neutral or positive
· assuming the worst of intentions on the part of the other person rather than the best of intentions.

We make matters worse by not asking questions when we’re unclear what something means or if someone is mad at us. Asking, “Are you upset with me?” or “what did you mean by that?” will help tremendously. You could also try saying “help me understand why you did that.” Assuming the best of intentions on the part of others will also help, as will assuming it’s not always about you!

Marking assumptions prevents intimacy.

Living under such assumptions makes for very difficult and unsatisfying relationships. We’re not having real relationships with real people when we make such assumptions. We’re not living in authentic relationships with others because we have false beliefs about them, their motives and their actions. That means your relationships are not based on who people really are, but who you…